Unfortunately, she also witness the straw that broke this camel's back at Christmas 2009, the comment that lit my motivation ablaze:
"Karen, you are the slightly heavier, yet still gorgeous older sister..."
|with my gal pal Andrea (left) in photography class (summer 2009)|
The words hit me like a gun shot. I saw red, and not only beause it was on Christmas Day after dinner. I had a Japanese friend over for a 'nice, American family Christmas', and I was humiliated in front of him. I remember taking a beer and sitting outside on the porch, ready to cry on a beautifully sunny, Florida afternoon. At that point, I had just started using Nike+, and I remember returning to New York and hitting the icy roads nearly every morning purely out of frustration and anger. In 2010, I ran 401 miles. When I looked at my 2010 Nike+ Rundown on Nike Running, I realized that I nearly ran the length of my homestate of Florida (445 miles). Only 13.1 of this was the Nike Women's Half-Marathon. Paired with the CAIFR and the Resolution 5K, that was still less than 19 miles worth of racing (18.69 miles to be exact). The remaining 382.31 miles were training. That's a lot of training, but I have to beat that this year.
Regardless, sometimes I feel my motivation waning. I want so desperately to reach 130 pounds, but I am worried that the perfectionist in me simply pushes too hard sometimes. I've tried Weight Watchers several times over the last ten years, but the most successful (and healthiest) weight loss took place when I lived in Japan. I had 'The Beast' (my red, granny bike from Jusco), and later 'Belle' (after Beast kicked the rust bucket), and rode them all over Tottori from Spring til Fall. I miss the convenience of having bike paths, superwide sidewalks, and bike racks everywhere.
Though I am close to White Plains, I can't seem to find a bicycle route I feel comfortable taking to WP. After the recent passing of marathoner, Sally Meyerhoff, who was hit while riding her bicycle, I am concerned about riding with the traffic. New York drivers make my crazy enough when I am behind the wheel! I may just have to suck it up and try discovering a safe route. The construction on I-287 at the entry of WP from Anderson Hill Road is still in full effect, and I haven't really paid attention to the pedestrial potential of that area. Three things are certain: I will need a good helmet, a sturdy back pack, and a solid bike lock. Oh, and sun screen (SPF 50+), so four things. I am trying to figure out how to get to other nearby haunts sans four wheel drive, but again, lack of sidewalks and crazy drivers are making it difficult.
A few days ago, my beautiful Seester, tweeted an awe-inspiring post by Ms. Bitch Cakes with regard to her first outdoor run in NYC. You have no idea how high my envy meter spiked simply by looking at her before and after photo in the banner. Before I even started reading, her story hit me straight through the heart. Having struggled with my weight and food since college, it was interesting to see a true Weight Watchers Succcess Story. I know that Jennifer Hudson is the current face of WW (and she looks stunning), but being a celebrity spokesmodel still makes her type weight loss feel like a lofty, unattainable goal at times. Admittedly, while I was still on WW Online, I prematurely wrote about my future success, hoping that posting it on my victory wall would keep me motivated. Alas, that approach failed miserably.
Reading through her blog, I was blown away by the sheer depth and painstaking organization of it. There is certainly no shortage of information! I love her use of charts, tracking programs, technology (Yeehaw for Nike+ Users!), snapshots, and most importantly her weight loss progress photos. Her information based format jolts the geeky girl in me awake and shows me the potential of what is possible. In a word... Wow. That's all I can say. I'm woman up and admit my jealousy for her outstanding organizational skills, great photographs, stay put makeup, and entry into all those NYRR races I've been too chicken to participate in! However, I will not short change her victories at all. I shall aspire to work as hard as I can to become a foxy lady.
I may not be able to upload such soul bearing photos (largely in part because I work in a conservative, private school), but I would like to start making friends with the mirror again. I think it is high time for me to go through my photos of the last eight years, and start picking out ones to show my journey. I recently ordered a digital photograph from the two half-marathons I ran as well. Although they are only four months apart, you can see the difference in my weight (roughly fifteen pounds). I will upload them once they arrive. I did realize that I need to start running outside more, as I am pale like Casper the Friendly Ghost! I refuse to hit the tanning bed, so I better hit the road for a little Vitamin D, and give the treadmill a rest for a little bit.